Updates and Outdates.

So I have been working for a while and while I still think it blows I am appreciative to have a job and now Food Stamps. I have a new roommate who I like. She is uber religious but a fabulous cook and an interesting person to boot. I have been working a little bit on my writing but it really isn't going anywhere. Well it will but I have been working so much I really don't have tons of time to spend on it. So it is going but slowly.

My plans for yesterday and today and tomorrow have been foiled yet again by work. It is okay because I know that I have 3 days off next week in which I am probably going home. Maybe, it is tentative at this point. I just signed my award letter for next year so Yay me I has money for school next year!

Things I am thinking about doing at this point are 1) Study abroad- London  2) Planning a trip to Silver falls like after the 5th.

Another day in Paradise

Today I am very tired I work nights but last night was especially bad. I think I am having major allergies and one of the women in one of the cubical pods I was cleaning got some stargazer lilies, which of course made my allergies go out of control and I could smell them 5 pods away. Not what I really wanted to talk about. I actually wanted to tell you about how I think I woke up my neighbors at 4am.

So like I said I work nights. I get off at 4 and get home at like 430. It was suppose to get up to 94 today where I live and I can't sleep in the heat. Luckily I just got back from my parent's house where my step dad gave me their small ac. So at 430 I was putting it into my bedroom window. I could hear them waking up and such when I was completing my task.

Why, you may ask, is this so funny? To answer this question I have to tell you another story. I know I am odd and that I keep weird hours. I knock down weeds in my back yard in the evening when it is cooler. The other day I was doing just this and dead heading my roses cause I am thinking about doing something amazing with my tiny back yard. While I was gardening my neighbor, whose window looks into my back yard, was watching me. Not doing dishes, not getting a glass of water, watching me intently while I was dead heading my roses, listening to music and earlier while I was weeding. Can you be any more creepy?! Therefore I think that it is justified for me to wake his creepy ass up at 430.

It was amazing to have the ac while I was sleeping.

And Life Continues

So I have lovely news and some not so lovely news. First I got a job! And tomorrow is pay day #2. Hopefully I will be going home to spend a little time with my mom. I keep having weird nightmares about not knowing where my family lives( they just moved).  Second, life is looking up a little. I am kinda getting attached to this guy that I am friends with but I don't know if we are just meeting casually or if we are actually a thing. It is confusing and I don't want to ask him but I don't know any other way. I don't want to get attached if we are just casual fun buddies because it would hurt me greatly if he were to leave. Ahh constant agonizing thought! Thrid, I seem to be getting along fine with my card shop friends. I am planning on joining this Magic thing called A .W .S .O .M .E  League which is where you join and get basic lands and like 3 booster packs. You anti and keep track of your wins and losses at the end of the set (M11 at the moment) when they make the next addition they have a party and they give out awards and all kinds of stuff. I am excited. I am also thinking of getting a "fat pack" or "intro set." I can't wait to get paid tomorrow.

On the other hand I have been off my anti depressants for a while to clear up my essential tremors. I am really depressed as well, I am alone. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about those things I know aren't right but I can't seem to clear my head of them. Sometimes I just don't know if I will be able to keep control of it all. I am trying to stay focused on those things, and people that have kept me here for so long, but it is hard to feel this kind of pain, and loneliness. These are familiar feeling but ones that I have not had to live with for a while. I will continue to do my yoga in the mornings and try to remember that this is a moment. I feel this way for the moment. I will try to keep it together but I just feel like I am in a fracturing bubble, and I can't stop it from cracking and breaking.

Updates!

School has ended on a sweet yet sour note. My grades were... alright. Not great but not horrible either. But now I am out and starting summer. My sisters have stayed a couple of times so I am not here alone. We have had a blast so far. I am hopefully going to start a job next week so that will be fun. Hopefully I can get some stuff taken care of like getting my phone turned back on and such. Any who that's my update.

Missing you consistantly

Every time I turn around there is something that reminds me of someone I know or have known. I realize that that sentence in it's self is a tangled web, but I miss the people that are closest to me in my life. My mom for instance. I am a college student that has for the past three years gone home to spend whole summers with her, and now for the first time I am living on my own. I miss her because every time I turn around there is something that reminds me of just how far away she is. And I am stuck because when I think of family I think of my Grandparents who have always encouraged me to be independent and am reminded that in the fall it will be one year since my Grandfather passed away.

I feel like there is so much sadness in my life that I just can't get past. I want to be free of it, but know that I never can be. There is such sorrow in words unsaid and covered with a mask of undying pain that it is just easier to put on a foundation of happiness so people won't worry and such. 

My life is back in failure

So today I called to see if I got a job and appearentally I didn't cause I was the second choice. My life sux and I can't get over this hump

My life is a giant fail!

I feel like my life is a giant fail. I feel depressed and sad and like there is nothing in life that I am good at. I suck at school, I suck at finding a job, I suck at cleaning, I suck at managing money, I suck at sleeping. I feel like crying but I just can't do it not because I don't want to but because I can't. I like living on my own but I can't seem to keep my money straight to pay all my bills I am like $200 overdrawn and I don't have a job, and no way to fix it. My life is a fail.

Lively Update

Lately I have been really busy. Its the start of term only week three and I'm totally swamped with homework. I have also been looking for a job because I would really like to pay my bills this summer and maybe have a little money to live on. Other than that I go to Molalla every weekend or so and hang out with my sisters cause without them insanity would start to set in and it really isn't part of my agenda at this point.

I can't wait for summer to roll around I want to go swimming. I want to sit in the shade of my patio and do my homework. I want to be done with school for the year. Summer is coming quickly but still it rains in Oregon... 
Other than that I am just living life in the proverbial fast lane.

-Lowe

Life is a Bitch

Dear Life,

I just wanted to write you a letter telling you how much I have tried to appreciate you. I wanted today to be fun, focused and leaning toward normal, but you have a funny way of telling me "you suck." I have tried to stay positive past first day blandness and overtly rude, and unsympathetic assholes. I have tried even at the point of tears to make sense of the way you work. Now I don't want you to get the wrong idea that I blame you solely but I at this moment have strong loathing for you.

First the morning was going good till I went to the cashier's to get my check and there wasn't one there for me to get, because my promissory note wasn't there for my financial aid. Then took Zaraki my computer to be fixed and Nick ripped out his guts then told me that I needed a new hard drive. But on top of that we went to Best Buy to get another and Nick graciously paid for my new hard drive which I will pay him back for tomorrow.

This is just a note to let you know that I hate you.

-Lowe

Spring Break

Well I went home and spent time with my Mom and straightened out the business accounts then we read a lot. It was fun and relaxing. I didn't want to leave my cat all by herself for a week and a half because I don't have anyone to go and check on her. So I took her home before going to Molalla because I will hopefully win tickets to the George and Reba concert tomorrow. Mel and I are trying hard to get them.

Lesson of the day: March 10, 2010

In English today we were finishing up with the Romantics since today is the last day of class before finals, and when I take notes I try to find something significant that I can apply to life such as Being the change you want to see in the world. I like to pass them on not only for me to come back and look at them but in hopes that you will be able to make a connection as well. So in today's lesson I found two things.

The first is from my notes on Keats 'The Veil of Soul Making (concept) argues that there must be pain, suffering, and trails in life to prove happiness as truth.'
I think that this is true, because nobody goes through life with out pain, or trials. If you really think about it these are the things that make us who we are. Our struggles in life, and our ability to over come those hardships are what really show who we are not only to ourselves but to other people.

Weekend

I got tired of staying home by myself and so I am spending the weekend with my sisters. So far it has been totally relaxing.Aww the small things in life.

Sex-essaging

My friend and I were talking last night and she ran across a post online about talking dirty then a related link on Sex- messaging. She read me some of the stuff and needless to say it has spiked my interest. I have known about sex- messaging for a while but have never really gotten into it. So I think I am going to use it on Terry sometime next week.
I realize that I live in a digital age where texting and the internet are almost standard, but I think that this could be an interesting twist to texting in today's world. I do not under any circumstance think that children or anyone under the age of 18 should do this but I am 23 and I am in a sexual relationship with Terry. I think I'm ok.

I will tell you how it goes.

-Lowe

The cat and yogurt and the 4 page paper

I know the title of this post is strange but bare with me. I know that I'm a procrastinator, but I think I have reached a point where I am becoming fed up with it. I stayed up all night last night writing my 4 page paper and I have to do it again tonight for another 4 pager. This is ridiculous. And yes I know it's all my own fault but I should be able to fix this. Thank God I have increadable writing skills cause without that I would be far more than screwed.

I found out today that my cat enjoys yogurt and strawberries as a delicious part of a balanced breakfast. So odd.

-Lowe

Procrastination and getting something done

I have always always been a procrastinator. Especially when I feel depressed and lonely. But I am positive that today is the day to get some stuff done. I have to write a paper by Thursday and it sucks cause I really don't understand Marxism. But I will get through it. I remember when 3 page papers were the standard in College classes below 300 level Now I've had 2, 4 page minimum papers in like a week. Oh well next term is going to be insane I think.

Next term I am taking Math 105. I'm not good at math, there is a reason I am an English major not a Math/ Science major. But it will complete my math requirement for my degree thank God. I am also taking Sociology 225, which is social problems but it is the second to the last for classes that will complete my LACC's. Then I am taking Writing 230, which is the class I should have taken instead of the WRT 222 class that I am going to fail this term. Leaving it in the 'Do over if I have time at the end' basket of my education.

Oh the joys of college

-Lowe

TEXT POST

(1/3) So this morning i was late for my class by like 10 minutes. Luckily the didnt start without me. Then my brother called and left me a voice mail asking me (2/3) what good was a phone if i wasnt going to answer. I think i have a good excuse so i left him a message telling him to call me at 2 when my class is(3/3) over. This is my only class today. Yay me!

Sleep Come Swiftly

I can only hope at this point that sleep will come and envelope me in her sweet embrace, because I have class tomorrow and a paper to turn in not to mention another paper to write and a book to read. I have heard from other people in class that 'Persuasion' by Jane Austin is stunningly dull. And I have to have 2/3 of it read by next week. Although on the good side of things Only two weeks left before finals. Not looking forward to finals but definitely to the break. I think I might go home, or look for a job here, but probably go home and spend some quality time with my mom. I miss her dearly I haven't talked to her in like a week. She said that she would call me when she got home. I figured that she would forget.

I have also spent the better half of last week here in my apartment by myself, well excluding Poo(poose my cat) and Lilly( my pet rat). My roomie has been gone FOREVER. I don't even like to spend weekends by myself. Now I find out that this week she is going to be gone again for most of it. I feel bad but I don't want to be here by myself. It makes me sad but it isn't her responsibility to stay here with me just because I am lonely.
It saddens me.

-Lowe 

Review of GAMER.

Back with GAMER was coming out in theaters I really wanted to go see it but didn't have the money, so recently I rented it on iTunes.  I had watch 5 review on it mostly good but a few bad.

Me: Sweet GAMER looks good!
Me2: Yeah and it only cost 3.99 on iTunes

20minutes later I was watching GAMER. I am not one to be squeamish about movies I watch many of them since I don't have cable so here are my positive/ negative view on movies:

Understandable Plot ++
Blood                      + (not squeamish)
GORE                     -
Horror                    -
Not to say I don't like horror but I don't like horror if it isn't suspenseful
suspense                 ++
love story                +
War                        + (usually accurate)
Sex                        +/- Not when it teeters on the edge of porn

Basically I liked the initial story and thought that it could come very close to reality someday, but it was all extremely predictable, bordered on the edge of porn, and had a very awkward dance number. It was strange. I would say it was barely worth renting and definitely not on the buy list. I was saddened.

Introduction

Hello I wanted to start off my new blog 'Between Me and The Bedroom Wall' with a little introduction about the author. My name is Lowe. Obviously that is not my real name but for security sake lets just go with it. I am 23 and live in a very small college town in Oregon. Yes I am a college student and I actually love it.

I am currently majoring in English Literature and Minoring in Writing. Now many of you may have an issue with me not giving my name but giving my major and minor the only thing I have to say is that at my college there are like 1500 people with the same majors and minors, I think I am safe.

So here are some of the things you can look forward to from this blog:
       1. My views of the world, people, and pretty much everything
       2. Issues with everything
       3.Advice
Mostly and above all everything to do with life.

Love,
Lowe.