And Life Continues

So I have lovely news and some not so lovely news. First I got a job! And tomorrow is pay day #2. Hopefully I will be going home to spend a little time with my mom. I keep having weird nightmares about not knowing where my family lives( they just moved).  Second, life is looking up a little. I am kinda getting attached to this guy that I am friends with but I don't know if we are just meeting casually or if we are actually a thing. It is confusing and I don't want to ask him but I don't know any other way. I don't want to get attached if we are just casual fun buddies because it would hurt me greatly if he were to leave. Ahh constant agonizing thought! Thrid, I seem to be getting along fine with my card shop friends. I am planning on joining this Magic thing called A .W .S .O .M .E  League which is where you join and get basic lands and like 3 booster packs. You anti and keep track of your wins and losses at the end of the set (M11 at the moment) when they make the next addition they have a party and they give out awards and all kinds of stuff. I am excited. I am also thinking of getting a "fat pack" or "intro set." I can't wait to get paid tomorrow.

On the other hand I have been off my anti depressants for a while to clear up my essential tremors. I am really depressed as well, I am alone. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about those things I know aren't right but I can't seem to clear my head of them. Sometimes I just don't know if I will be able to keep control of it all. I am trying to stay focused on those things, and people that have kept me here for so long, but it is hard to feel this kind of pain, and loneliness. These are familiar feeling but ones that I have not had to live with for a while. I will continue to do my yoga in the mornings and try to remember that this is a moment. I feel this way for the moment. I will try to keep it together but I just feel like I am in a fracturing bubble, and I can't stop it from cracking and breaking.