Wiped out

I feel wiped after everything that happened last weekend. Mom kept asking me if I was OK and I don't know if I am. Is it bad to still feel in shock after a few days? I just don't know how I feel about it. On one hand I used to be a cutter, and I have seriously thought about suicide. I guess it is just being faced with what I could have been that freaks me out a little. I will be the first to say that cutting is a bad habit, and one that I am not proud of. I will even say it is super dangerous. But I can also say that I understand what it's like to need to feel something even if it is pain. Even now after years I still feel those old familiar tinglings when I get super stressed.

This just gives me pause to think about what it would be like if I hadn't decided to stop. If I hadn't decided to get help. It makes me sad to think that I could have put people through. What I did put people through. I makes me sad but I did stop and it was hard. Possibly the hardest thing I have ever done but I did.

My advice for anyone that is a cutter is to stop. Only you can stop yourself. Once you make that first step it can only get better. One day is a great accomplishment. Two days is fantastic... and soon days turn into weeks, weeks to months and months into years, and one day you might look back and realize that it's been 9 years and there is nothing better than that feeling.