Another day in Paradise

Today I am very tired I work nights but last night was especially bad. I think I am having major allergies and one of the women in one of the cubical pods I was cleaning got some stargazer lilies, which of course made my allergies go out of control and I could smell them 5 pods away. Not what I really wanted to talk about. I actually wanted to tell you about how I think I woke up my neighbors at 4am.

So like I said I work nights. I get off at 4 and get home at like 430. It was suppose to get up to 94 today where I live and I can't sleep in the heat. Luckily I just got back from my parent's house where my step dad gave me their small ac. So at 430 I was putting it into my bedroom window. I could hear them waking up and such when I was completing my task.

Why, you may ask, is this so funny? To answer this question I have to tell you another story. I know I am odd and that I keep weird hours. I knock down weeds in my back yard in the evening when it is cooler. The other day I was doing just this and dead heading my roses cause I am thinking about doing something amazing with my tiny back yard. While I was gardening my neighbor, whose window looks into my back yard, was watching me. Not doing dishes, not getting a glass of water, watching me intently while I was dead heading my roses, listening to music and earlier while I was weeding. Can you be any more creepy?! Therefore I think that it is justified for me to wake his creepy ass up at 430.

It was amazing to have the ac while I was sleeping.

And Life Continues

So I have lovely news and some not so lovely news. First I got a job! And tomorrow is pay day #2. Hopefully I will be going home to spend a little time with my mom. I keep having weird nightmares about not knowing where my family lives( they just moved).  Second, life is looking up a little. I am kinda getting attached to this guy that I am friends with but I don't know if we are just meeting casually or if we are actually a thing. It is confusing and I don't want to ask him but I don't know any other way. I don't want to get attached if we are just casual fun buddies because it would hurt me greatly if he were to leave. Ahh constant agonizing thought! Thrid, I seem to be getting along fine with my card shop friends. I am planning on joining this Magic thing called A .W .S .O .M .E  League which is where you join and get basic lands and like 3 booster packs. You anti and keep track of your wins and losses at the end of the set (M11 at the moment) when they make the next addition they have a party and they give out awards and all kinds of stuff. I am excited. I am also thinking of getting a "fat pack" or "intro set." I can't wait to get paid tomorrow.

On the other hand I have been off my anti depressants for a while to clear up my essential tremors. I am really depressed as well, I am alone. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about those things I know aren't right but I can't seem to clear my head of them. Sometimes I just don't know if I will be able to keep control of it all. I am trying to stay focused on those things, and people that have kept me here for so long, but it is hard to feel this kind of pain, and loneliness. These are familiar feeling but ones that I have not had to live with for a while. I will continue to do my yoga in the mornings and try to remember that this is a moment. I feel this way for the moment. I will try to keep it together but I just feel like I am in a fracturing bubble, and I can't stop it from cracking and breaking.